The Detox

January 9, 2011

Like many this January, I am in detox mode. I find this a very trying time, not because of the actual detox itself but because I hate the feeling of miserable failure in late January. This is about the time I accidently have a chocolate or ten or I spend that two hundred euro (meant for my savings) in Pennys buying clothing that ultimately I will throw in the bin because the garment has shrunk after two washes.

However, these types of detoxes are ones that in the grand scheme of things, are of little consequence (well to me anyway. Apologies if you’re very determined to kick your chocolate/ Pennys habit) They say habits take twenty one days to break but my question is,  what about the bigger, more emotionally charged habits like a relationship? When this ends, how much time does one need to get over this rather gigantic habit?

As it is detox season, I am going to tell you a story of a very long detox I went through 5 years ago this February.

I started going out with my so called ‘high school sweetheart’ when I was sixteen. We had been great friends before we got together and I always look back on the build up to the relationship with such an amazing fondness. It really was every bit the teenage romance, all very intense and heart felt.

As all early romances, it was a relationship of firsts. First ‘meeting the parents’, first time feeling so in love you might fall over, first time having a fight with a boy that made you cry, first time saying ‘I love you’ and the first time to feel utter heart break.

The relationship ended just before I turned twenty. Both of us, although still very good friends were drifting in very different directions. We had separate outlooks and goals in life and it was beginning to become a massive problem which we could not  solve as a couple.

We decided to split and what ensued was a very painful year long break-up. If I could give anyone advice going through a break-up it would be DON’T PROLONG IT. Looking back it was our age and naivety that made the process so drawn out. As I mentioned in previous posts, I am quite a sentimental person. If you can imagine, I was even more so back then. I had this naive notion that myself and my ex could mosey along still being best friends, not thinking that the inevitable would happen i.e he or I would meet someone new at some point.

In reality this happened quicker than I expected, with my ex seeing someone within two months of us splitting up. I was very hurt by this but looking back he was really angry with me for the split and my attitude after it so it was not overly surprising that he found someone else to take his mind off it all. He is one of those guys who screams ‘boyfriend material’ so I  really don’t know why I expected him to stay single for very long.

After I was told he was with someone new, mental torture ensued. I was utterly devastated. In retrospect, there was never any chance of us rekindling the relationship but I think I was mourning the loss of our relationship and a great friendship more than anything else. I was selfish in the fact that I didn’t want to be in a relationship with him but if I’m honest I was not prepared to see him with anyone else.

It became impossible for us to interact with one another as there was a lot of anger and upset on both our parts. I became a shell of myself. I didn’t care about anything apart from the fact that me and him would no longer be in contact.

This went on for weeks. My poor friends and family were driven demented by my constant sadness. Then one day my Dad came into my room opened my blinds and said ‘enough’. He made me get up out of bed, get my old part time job back and told me to get on with life. And that was that. Myself and the ex cut all communication. Our mutual friends didn’t utter his name. I avoided anything that would remind me of him and slowly but surely I became myself again.

I reckon I successfully avoided sight and sound of him for about a year and a half. This was quite impressive considering we shared a close bunch of mutual friends but I think there was a silent agreement among everyone in our social circle to protect me from any information which may send me back into emotional turmoil. It seems wise friends are crucial to a successful detox!

However, I am happy to report my relationship detox was a great success for both myself and my ex. We went are separate ways and lived our separate lives. We gradually began to see each other again at random social gatherings. At first, all these meetings were very tense with lots of, ‘ are you? ‘what are you up to at the moment?’. I’m happy to say these days the random meetings are altogether different. Now when we meet, we are back to being genuine friends. I don’t think it is a friendship where we’ll meet up regularly for tea and a chat but it’s a friendship that has a great history and many fond memories which makes it one that is everlasting in my mind.

I think everyone has to go through one awful heart break in life to come to a better understanding of relationships. I also think people must go through one  hell of a detox if they are to be totally free to move on to new things.

This year I really hope I can apply the same dogged detox attitude to giving up chocolate and saving money resolutions because if I do succeed, I will be a well financed skinny blogger by 2012. Well one can always dream…..


One Response to “The Detox”

  1. CB said

    I happened to read this with this playing in the background
    inevitably, tears ensued…touching words altogether lady…x

    PS You should send this to your ex, I bet he’d love it x

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