Timing is everything

December 13, 2010

When analyzing the reasons behind my fives years of single life it’s hard to put it down to one glaringly obvious reason. If I was to give a range of reasons/ personality afflictions as to why I am still single they’d go like this:

– misguided search for perfection (Eg ‘If only he was taller, if only he was from Dublin etc etc…’)

-misguided search for ‘the big romance’ (refer to my earlier blog musings on Pretty Woman/ Pride and Prejudice)

-lack of  vulnerability on my part. Some would refer to this as dogged independence (Cue rendition of ‘Sister Are Doing it For Themselves’)

I will admit all the mentioned personality traits are little pieces of me however I would argue they are not the reasons I’m still single.

My argument would be securing a decent relationship is all down to timing. The phrase ‘right time, right place’ is never more true in this incidence. In the last 5 years I have met at least three guys who I would hand on my heart say I would have gone out with if circumstances and timing had been different.

When I think about the process of trying to meet someone I often think it’s like trying to find the perfect outfit. You walk around the shops all day trying umpteen outfits on. A lot of the time the outfit will suit ok. You’d wear the outfit for a while but you never really feel you look amazing in it. But then one day you find the perfect combination of clothing and you know it’s you.

Relationships are about finding that combination that makes you feel like the best kind of you at that time. It’s funny, I find coming up with decent combinations of fashion items far easier than finding a decent relationship combination. The problem in this search is that although you may find someone who you think may fits the bill, the worthy suitor may not always find you as similar a fit at that moment in time. Those damn extenuating circumstances often get in the way. These are the kind of circumstance men often bandy about when they try to justify why, ultimately, they want you to get lost; the ‘just got out of a relationship’ speech, the ‘I just can’t commit’ speech and the ‘I just want something casual’ speech.

Again ,if I was to compare this sentiment to fashion (I do love the odd fashion reference), I would say this is like picking up an amazing coat that fits perfectly  and finding a button is missing or the zip is jammed. You just can’t bring yourself to buy it because it is flawed.

In these situations my argument would be ultimately the coat (and indeed the man) are not meant to be.  Put the coat (or the man) down and move into a new shop (or pub /club etc…) If someone actually wants to be with you they will. It’s that black and white, it’s that plain and simple. It took me a while to come to this realization and to be honest I do still agonize over it. It’s all too easy to fall into the trap of putting lack of effort down to flakiness. Sometimes when meeting someone I fall back into the internal monologue of; ‘he’s just a laid back twenty something male, they’re all a bit slow off the mark. That’s the reason for the lack of effort etc..’ (**sorry all twenty something males!) but ultimately I have to be realistic and scream to myself the now famous phrase ‘HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU’.

Go to a new shop, try a new outfit on and you never know, it might just be the one that makes you feel perfectly beautiful.

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2 Responses to “Timing is everything”

  1. Claire said

    This is lovely…*insert big durty hug here* x

  2. michelle said

    I love the euphemism of a good man is like a good coat, love it when you first get it then after a while realize it takes away from your well planned outfit underneath and canny wait to get it off! loving the blog jules keep it up x x

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